Two weeks ago, my partner was so stricken with intense abdominal pain and heart pounding that we called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. The ambulance came, and she was pummeled with a series of suspicious questions. She believed that it was iodine poisoning from having taken a health-enhancing substance that contained iodine.
“If you knew that you were allergic to iodine, why did you take that supplement?”
On and on the suspicious questions went, and in the ambulance ride to the hospital, they continued without my being there to protect her.
In the hospital, after many tests, they concluded she had a serious stomach flu that had been going around. After three more days in hell she was back to herself.
Last Friday, I began having the identical symptoms. I knew not to call an ambulance. I knew that, since it was the same flu as she had endured, that it probably was not going to kill me. That being said, I too, was convinced that I was dying. My heart and body felt as though they were fainting from beneath me. The stomach cramping was unendurable. I spent two days in the agony of this horrific flu and felt paint as never before, other than with my previous four heart attacks. In the peak of this pain I asked God, The Universe, Awareness, Whatever, what was the purpose of this kind of suffering? What was I supposed to learn from a virus that is tearing me apart? In that moment I received my answer, and it has changed my life.
I saw a vision of someone stepping into physical reality, away and out of the internal, mentally generated reality of our own thought associations. I saw that we were given a real physical (energy) world in which to experience profound and unimaginable things, and that we, as individuals, chose to turn our backs on that given physical reality and focus our awareness toward the inside, and spend nearly every second of our lives focused upon the internal, fabricated, ephemeral world of our own thoughts, emotions and mental associations, to the abandonment of the real world.
I saw that this physical reality that we all believed that we do live in, is virtually uninhabited, because no one was present. The physical Earth is actually occupied by the meek indeed, animals, plants, and some few human beings. Those human beings who found their way into this astounding dimension, who were walking and living in physical reality one-hundred per cent of every second, changed the world. Jesus, Buddha and to one degree or another, all of those souls who altered human history, did so from the realizations they received from being present in the physical world. They occupied the physical dimension and turned their backs on the seduction of mental reality.
I saw that entering into this dimension of physical reality meant that for every second here, the life force energy built to staggering degrees of nourishment and literal energy fulfillment. Each moment that we turn our backs on this dimension and choose to enter into our own private universe of thoughts, judgments, attitudes, suspicions, doubts and accusations, is a moment of bleeding away that energy that was built up in our brief moment of presence in physical reality.
The energy that I received from choosing to slide my awareness into the room that I was reclining in began to build. I stayed in that state not even a minute before I realized that I had enough energy to overpower the virus that was tormenting me. I placed my hands on my stomach and poured energy of love into myself. In fifteen minutes, the pain left me, and so did the flu. That afternoon, I was up feeding the cat, washing the dishes. The next day I was considering going back to work. The following day, I was fully recovered as though the flu had never seized me.
I had spent the two days and nights awake, looking at and being fully in the room I was sitting in, in around the clock presence. In my lifetime, I have spent two days in a room. This is far more than I can say for the previous years of my life, where I spent most of my life inside my own personal universe of mental associations.
For every second spent in physical reality, without bleeding off that energy to interpretations of mind, revelations arise. These revelations are powerful enough for one to spend the rest of one’s life expressing those understandings for others to see, hear, read or in some way share in the experience. As Albert Einstein once said, “I received all of my understandings as a boy, and spent the rest of my life proving them.” Indeed, genius is not a measure of degrees of intelligence, but rather genius is a measure of degrees of Presence. Creativity springs from our brief moments in physical reality. Painting, for me, is a way of sustaining that presence. Paintings are proof of presence. Paintings say, “I was here.”
The physical dimension is often defined as boring unless it is in the brochure for fabulous vacations. Sitting in a waiting room as one’s tire is changed or until one’s number is called at the DMV, one grabs a magazine or a book to read. Do not be deceived. Nature hides her greatest treasures behind a curtain of boredom. Once we see that actually spending time in the room we find ourselves in, not for its own virtues, ( unless you are sitting in nature ) but for the virtue of being present, we will see that there is no such thing as a single moment. Gaining access to presence automatically delivers us to all time/spaces and dimensions. We feel it. In presence, we are outside of the limits of time/space, and as my late friend, William E. Roberts once said, “When you know who you are, you’ll know who I am.” Once in physical reality, you will feel your oneness and absolute connection with everyone and all expressions of Awareness. Being alone in the real universe is an illusion. We are only alone in our private, un-sharable universe of thought/emotions. There is a direct circuit between finding the true Self and entering into the hearts of all of mankind. This universe is here to be witnessed. Its reward to us for giving it our undivided attention is unimaginable energy, enough energy to heal our wounds and dispel all of our fabricated fears. Let’s not go through life in a private, un-sharable universe, searching for people to share our private world with, in preference to experiencing life in the universe that is real and given. The true landscape of Presence is devoid of fear, anxiety, self-doubt and limitation. In every moment there is an invitation to take our inheritance.
Cover painting, Morning at Cesar Chavez Park 2, and article by Ross G. Drago The painting was made at Cesar Chavez Park, rather than in my studio, as a way of entering and learning to stay in the world we are given. Being in nature greatly enriched my every symbol vocabulary.
Paint Rag Magazine
.99 cents suggested donation.